BICYCLE CHRISTMAS CARD

This is Ellie Arroway. That's what she told me her name was, anyway She was hanging out down the block from where I live. She was wielding an orange that she said she was going to throw at some Armenian guy. "I am gonna hit him with this tomato" she said furiously. Her bike was laying on the curb. She was really worked up. She proceeded to tell me about conspiracies, and secrets, and truths. She is vehemently anti- a lot of things. She is a racist and a victim and very crazy. She was well-dressed, wearing clean clothes, and had an iPod clipped to her pants.

Here's some of what I learned from conversing with her:

Salma Hayek isn't Mexican.
Colin Powell caused the oil spill.
She is constantly threatened by "entities."
All black people have AIDS.
Carlos Santana is a traitor.
We should ally with the Japanese and the Koreans and launch all our missiles into the Garden of Eden.

I wish I could remember more of it. There was a lot. When I asked her how we should fix all these problems, she said, desperately, "By speaking the truth!"

After 45 minutes of waiting for her to throw her "tomato" I said I was going home on my bike, so she said she was going home too. On her bike.

The end.

dirt + grease = dirty jeans
Unless you're 5 or ride those nice Dutch bikes, most bicycles don't have chain guards. If you're wearing pants you run the risk of staining them from the chain grease, and even worse, getting your pant leg caught in the chainring and flipping over the bar. So roll up your pant leg, stuff it in your sock, put a rubber band over it, or get a pants clip.